A little worried.............

Now, for those of you that know me well, I have been labeled as a slight hypochondriac.  The ironic thing is that I have often been right in the long run.... so I ask you, am I a hypochondriac OR just super in tuned to my body and can find things before they can be medically found................ I will let you decide.

However, a few weeks ago I started having heart palpitations.  I was/am due for my yearly exam anyway, so my Dr. ordered a bunch of labs while awaiting my appointment.  I had them drawn on a Friday at 9am, but the lab doesn't receive them until 3pm to do the testing.  4:46pm, on a Friday, I get a personal call from my physician with a "Do you have a few minutes to talk, and maybe move rooms?" (kids in the background).  Now, my heart drops...... I have NEVER had good personal calls from a physician.  Never had a call on a Friday evening (when I had an appt the next Wednesday to go over lab results anyway).... and then the whole "move rooms" thing.  NOT A GOOD SIGN. 

Anyway, so I oblige, and hide out in the bathroom.  Awaiting the "news".  She goes over "heart labs are fine, kidneys are fine, liver enzymes are fine, cholesterol high---but we can chat about that later, etc etc etc............ but, we have a concern about your white blood cells.  They are very low.  My head starts going all fuzzy, and all I can think of is CANCER.... CANCER... CANCER...  She chats a little bit about what it could be (yes cancer is in there, but so is
---hyperthyroidism (don't have, labs say no),
---nutritional deficits of some sort (labs don't support that),
---a lab fluke (please!),
---severe anemia (H&H completely normal)
---an immune suppression disease (lupus, HIV (negative---been tested many times due to my high risk work),
---severe viral infections (haven't been sick)
---or just an abnormal norm for me----which you would THINK I would have found out before now.

I have battled a host of emotions this past few weeks.  From, "hurry up get life insurance", to feeling like I have to write letters of my wishes to my husband and kids (ie: Chris, I want you to find love again... blah blah blah), to thinking "hey, this is a way I could become skinny, and wear wigs so I don't have to style my hair"......  to "Dude, you always think you have everything, it is your medical background--you know too much and google doesn't help"

Tomorrow is my follow up appointment.  I have organized a list of weird things that have been noticed within the past year.  Things that I have always felt were unrelated, but maybe they aren't!?!?!  (TMI alert: a few of them: weird periods (long/heavy/and too frequent), extreme fatigue, insensitivity to cold with cold spells that leave my toes and fingers numb, heart palpitations, bowel problems..... etc).  I have listed my diet intake/exercise regime.  I want to throw everything out there.  I pray there is an easy answer.  That there isn't anything really wrong.  When I dig deep, I don't think it is cancer... I am secretly hoping for some "weight-gain causing tumor" they can remove and all my problems will be solved-------but I really think it is some kind of fluke or nutritional issue.  Easily rectified.

But, I can't say I am not a little scared.  Oh, but I get a yearly-girlie exam out of it all.. Yeah!!! (NOT! ugh.)  Gonna be a super fun day.