A very long 2 weeks.

I am very very very sorry I have slacked so much on my blogging.  It has been a very busy, trying, and stressful 2 weeks.  The kids have started their new school, I started a new job, and Julia is in daycare (when I am working).... I will definitely elaborate:

The kids are doing so well in their new school!  They seem to love it, and we are loving the morals, kindness, and overall responsibilities of behavior they seem to be showing.  The only drawback---they have really long days for little people.  Up at 630-7am, to school by 8.  Pick up at 3pm, home by 330, the homework/chores/dinner... and finally free time at 6-8.  We had had them enrolled in music lessons (Lauren-piano, Joshua-guitar) and they were super excited... but with as tired as they are, we didn't know how well they would do with yet another thing jammed on their schedule, and then nightly practicing.  So, we elected to maybe wait a bit to see how things go.  Also, Lauren did receive an award for diligence in doing hard work.  Each week the school elects a citizen of the week for each class (at least in grade-school.. not sure of the rest).  Lauren got it this week, so Chris and I went in for chapel day, saw her receive the award (she was SO embarrassed, but you could see also very proud... especially when Joshua yelled out "BRAVO LAUREN"......... when every other person in the chapel was silent :-))  It was also cool for Chris and I to see how they "run" things.  It is amazing you can have approx 80-100 kids under the age of 10 walk single file, silently into the chapel.... sit down (without squirming, jumping, hitting, poking, running etc) and listen intently to what is being said.  Discipline and consistent structure definitely works---even in the younger ones.  Super cool to see.  (Ok, I will admit, slightly cult like, but since we believe in the teachings, and it isn't super super strict, we are ok with it.  :-))  So, funny thing:  Within the same week Lauren got an award for hard work and such---Joshua came home with a note of misbehavior.  I had to laugh, is this going to be what it is like for the rest of the schooling?  What spice will Julia bring?  (BTW: his misbehavior was hitting the metal towel dispenser in the bathroom.  What 5 year old wouldn't hit a loud metal thing while bored in the bathroom?? Come on Joshua, if you are gonna get in trouble, do us proud.  "Kick me sign" on the teachers butt or something brag worthy.  We can't brag about our kid banging a metal dispenser like a drum.  BORING!!!!!)

We did finally put Julia in daycare.  I know I have described how hard this was for me, and it has admittedly gotten a bit better.  Also, knowing that the frequency we have exhibited lately is not going to be the norm has helped me get through it as well.  She seems to do ok there, of course she cries when I leave, but is done within seconds, and when she is picked up she seems happy and content.  Also, she is learning many many more mischievous activities.  She comes home and seriously just goes about showing off what she has learned.  I am getting a glimpse of the "future of life with Julia".   Currently her favorite things are soap and goopy things (deodorant, toothpaste etc).  She loves going and getting soap, putting on the floor and sliding about.  Also, washing her hands is a current obsession.  Oh, and lets not forget squishing dog poop with her fingers.  Ugh......  Luckily, I have a friend who takes her sometimes to break up the daycare exposure.  Julia adores her and begs to go to "Tracy's house" all the time! In the mornings I hear "No friends..... Yes Tracy house"

And finally, me starting my new job.  I will try to shorten my complaining a bit because we all know that starting a new job comes with new stresses and is a difficult transition.  However, I have had a harder time than usual with this one.  I consider myself a very fast learner, (show me once, I got it), and very eager to do things the right way.  However, I was leaving work not feeling like I was getting it at all.  There are some very strong personalities there----as there is in any L&D unit (and probably most places), and women that feel that their way is the only way.  But must I say, that there are many many many ways to bathe a baby and as long as they are clean, safe, and tolerate it well, what is the point in dissing someone elses way?  (that is just an example I am ok with sharing... there are many more).  But, I feel my biggest issue is that I get the impression that perhaps my orienter doesn't usually orient?  There is a skill to orienting.  Whether you are orienting someone with prior skills or ones that are brand new.  If they have prior experience (as in my case) they know the basics...... they just need to learn "your way".  So, in my opinion you would want to take over the mundane stuff (putting in catheters, maybe taking a blood pressure, getting a baby to nurse) while I learn the policies and procedures, how to chart on their computer programs, how to work their equipment, and how their OR runs, etc.  But my orienter, albeit super nice and sweet, doesn't exactly do this.  It is kind of an on or off switch.  She is either correcting and bossing me around with the little stuff, or standing there during the stuff I would need her guidance, suggestions, or prompts and criticising me later. (Now is when the scrub would prefer to do instrument count, or we require respiratory therapy to be here at all deliveries, so we call them 10 minutes prior... etc).  I leave from work doubting my experience, if I should be doing this area of expertise.  I have never had to doubt that before.  I have never questioned if I was a good nurse.  Then after talking to my super bright husband and my commiserating mom, I realized it isn't me.  It is the mixing of my and my orienters personality.  It isn't working.  And when I think that I have only oriented 4 days and 2 of those were super super not busy, and 2 were with many challenges, I have picked up on a lot.  I AM getting it.  I just have to forge through next week...... but I will close with this:  The last night I worked I was very broken down.   I missed my family, I was close to tears, I doubted I was capable, and wondered why I was doing this to myself just for a mental "outlet".  I could get that by many many other activities............ Then I walked into my patients room.  She had had a very difficult pregnancy/delivery.  Wasn't suppose to even have a baby.  I walk in to see her snuggling her naked baby to her naked chest, her baby being warmed by her mommy, feeling her mommy's love/warmth and hearing the calming beat of her heart, while the mommy nuzzled her baby's head and smelled her sweet smell.  She looks up at me with tears of gratitude in her eyes and with such heartfelt sincerity she says "Thank you so much for helping and guiding me through the hardest, scariest, and best days of my life.  You held my hand while I was petrified in the OR, you fixed my baby when her heartrate dropped, you answered all my families questions and concerns with honesty, patience, and respect.  You had tears in your eyes when you handed my little girl to her daddy for the first time.  Thank you so much, we will never forget all you have done for us.".

That, my dear readers, is why I am going through current HELL right now, and will persevere through next week.

Mischief strikes again!

Julia.
Nail polish.
Unsupervised.
(I do have to admit, she didn't do any real damage, AND her toe painting skills are STELLAR for a 2 year old!  :-))

First night reviews:

Yesterday our sleep number beds arrived.  There was a small snafu regarding the base part, but we have the beds, and set on our usual boxsprings, they seem to be doing fine.  The base will be here soon............anyway..........

I actually slept pretty well!  It is an adjustment of course, but I slept soundly between 11pm-4am, which is about the longest stretch I can recall in a LONG LONG LONG time.  Also, I woke up a little stiff (they told us we would), but NO back or neck pain which was a prior usual. 

I woke up feeling somewhat refreshed.  Somewhat energetic.  This is definately an improvement that I am guessing only gets better!

*Note to self though:  The bed is full of air, so when you get in it in the middle of the night, laying on the edge is not really safe.  You kind roll off.  ;-)

Grumpy

Do you ever wonder why some days you wake up in a super-duper mood, and then the next you are a complete grump? 

I wonder that all the time.

Some days are really good.
Some are not so good.

Today is a grumpy day.  I am sure I can completely explain it away by my usual complaint of bad sleep.  Not getting good sleep the night before last (to bed at 1030pm, up at 2am-330am, 415am, and 5am for good) and running all day.  And then last night, I was filled with fantasies of sleeping like a log, yet I was up a minimum of 5 times, and with my last awakening at 5am--courtesy of the screeching Julia. 

I want my kids to sit quietly all day and not require my assistance :-)
I want my husband to do a bunch of things around the house that busy schedules have caused to be neglected.
I want the dog to NOT pee or poop in inappropriate places, nor chew up toys that don't belong to her.
I want Julia to quit beating up her siblings.
I want Joshua to quit bugging his sisters.
I want Lauren to quit saying "OW" at everything and whining.

I am tired.   Really tired.  Really grumpy.  Really annoyed.  Aren't you glad you get the option to avoid me today???? :-)

First day of school!

I have SO been looking forward to today.  I am sure there are a few reasons like my kids are embarking on a new academic beginning..... that they will be making forever friends and learning new skills.... but mostly it is to RELISH in the QUIET day, nearly alone.

This morning was rough, as I anticipated it would be.  Lauren is a good "woken-up" person, and also dislikes certain textures.... so you compound that with being woken up at 630am, and having to wear a uniform------things were very rough.  (nearly an hour of hysterical crying)  But, Chris and I managed to get all the kids out of the house by 735am, and got to school with plenty of time to spare!

We walked our little cherubs to their classrooms, and got to witness their eyes light up at the prospect of a new year!  Lauren got right down to business doing her "about me" packet, she is an expert ya know ;-).  Joshua was the one that stood there with his eyes glazed and a silly-happy smirk on his face.  He WAS so in his element.  Saying hi to all the kids, reading their names on their name tags, telling them where to sit as they came in.  "What is your name??? I am Joshua, and you sit right here!"

Chris and I ventured home, he went to work and I hung out with Julia.  She was very very much enjoying Mommy time..... we cleaned bedrooms (and by cleaned, I mean I got a bag-o-garbage out of each kids room), we played trains, we watched shows, we colored,  we shared crackers, and we snuggled.  I don't think I heard her screech at all----until the bigger kids came home. ;-)

I got in a short nap, before Chris and I fought the disoriented crowds at the school.  It is chaos, but I am sure MUCH easier after everyone gets all acclimated to the routine.

2 SUPER happy, bundles of excited energy were picked up at the school.  2 non-stop chatterboxes.  We asked Joshua what he did, but he didn't want to really share, so Lauren started.  We got to hear about every second of every minute of her first day.  (Not really an exaggeration..... she talked the whole 30 minutes home).

----The funniest thing:  Lauren said that she put her extra school supplies in her cubby at school, and realized that there was a better way to place them so that there was more room and it was more organized...... so she asked the teacher if she could organize all the cubbies, and spent 2 hours organizing.  How funny!  I love my OCD little girl.

----Joshua did notify us that he had a new girlfriend named "Veronica".  She sits across from him and he likes her a lot.  My little son, the flirt.

Now, we are home, trying to get into the evening routine.  Thus far, we have embarked on snack, doggie outside play time, chores,  Lauren has packed their lunches for tomorrow, I have set out uniforms, and I am starting to get dinner underway!

A GREAT first day!  I think tomorrow, I am going SHOPPING!  ;-)!!!!

Julia was braver than I.....

Chris and I have fought ultra hard and made many sacrifices to keep our kids out of daycare.  Honestly, I don't have any issues with them, or people who find them to be a great fit for their families, however, it never seemed to sit well for us.

We have opted for me not to work, or when I did work, we had lovely babysitters come to our home.  This was our choice for a few reasons:  1) I didn't like the idea of a "standard daycare" center.  It scared me that I was intrusting my child with strangers.  2) I couldn't control what kinds of kids were there or not there, and what habits my child might pick up. 3) The germ congregation.  Uhhh, germs!

So, some asked why not a small in-home daycare or just a stay at home mom at their house..... well, the main reason for that was that I cannot dictate, in a private home, who comes and who goes.  I can't demand that "Uncle Frank" doesn't come over, or the mail boy doesn't sit in the foyer while their wages are retrieved...... I think you get my drift.  Also, we always had a child who was not old enough to tell us that things were not quite right.......

In order for us to avoid the 2 above stated issues: we had ladies (2 different ones) come to our home.  We paid them WAY more than we would a center, yet it was so worth it to have them come, to not disrupt the days activities.  We were ensured that their weren't any unexpected visitors, that our house was baby proof, that their were no dangerous dogs in the backyard---etc.  We had control.  However, with this came some sacrifice.  These ladies had lives of their own.  They had schedules of their own, they were not always available every time we needed them (which, of course, is to be expected).  We did not require their services enough to fund their bank accounts as much as they would need to be funded.... which led them to find other jobs, which of course led them to be even less available... etc.  But, we LOVED having them come here, and relaxed knowing the kids were happy and safe.

However, with my new job we came to a dilemma.  Scheduling dilemma.  We have 2 kids who need our personalized bus service 2 times a day, we have Chris who works from home---and cannot work if there is a babysitter here (and of course, can't work if he is responsible for Julia).  We need someone for such limited and varied hours and sometimes on short notice... we just couldn't do an in-home sitter anymore..... We finally broke down and decided a day care center was the answer.

*They do drop-in care
*They are a locked facility
*They have parent video cameras where we can watch Julia in her classroom anytime we want
*It is rather inexpensive (which was not a deciding factor, but is of course really nice)
*They will foster potty training! (It has crossed my mind more than once to just put her in it fulltime for 1-2 weeks so THEY can do this... I would MORE than pay the money for that :-))
*It is fairly close to our house
*It is a well-known company and has MANY safety guards to keep my escape artist SAFE!

Well, knowing we needed a practice day where we could pick her up if something went array, and yet ease her into the daycare so it wasn't a culture shock one day... today, I had the older kids open house at the school, so I opted to drop Julia off.  We didn't need her to go there until noon, but that is nap time, and I decided that it would be better to not drop her off then-----so I dropped her off at 10am.  She ran in, no questions asked, no hesitation, said goodbye and found a friend. 

I... stood there.  Starred at her.  Gulped hard a few times before slowly backing out of the room and absentmindedly walking down the hall.  I got in the car and drove to where a friend of mine was at work and unloaded my anxiety on her.  (She was great and allowed me to wallow, as well as keep me laughing and grounded!  Thanks T!)

I felt horrible.  I have never "left" her in a facility with complete strangers.  All alone.  A new strange place.  (With horrendous germs! ;-))

But, I called a few times, she was doing great.  Never an issue.  I went to pick her up at 2 and she was taking a nap, so I waited until 4.  I walked in the room and she ran over to me with a huge smile, a monstrous hug, and a completely forgiving kiss.  She still loved me!  It was great.

Then we got home.  She is still in a VERY happy mood, however more mischievous than ever.  In a less than 2 hour time frame she has gotten markers and decorated herself, the couch, and the oven...... she has eaten hand soap from the bathroom..... She has jumped on her sister, smothered her annoyed brother in kisses/hugs, taken her diaper off and peed on the floor.

Maybe daycare isn't such a good idea!  She is just learning new mischievous tricks.

Another baking success

It was requested by the birthday girl and birthday boy (my husbands lil' bro and his girlfriend) that they partake in a banana cake with chocolate frosting.  I, truly, wasn't looking that forward to this combo, it sounded kinda weird and disgusting to me.... but it was a birthday request, so how can I say no?  (I have been known to serve cherry cake with cherry frosting for Lauren's birthday---upon request.  Yeah, that was G R O S S)

So, I went about with the requested order, but decided to change a few things---to make it my own.  I make the banana cake (VERY similar to banana bread) and add some cocoa, to make it Chocolate banana cake...... Then I cut it in half, cover the bottom with cream cheese frosting/fresh bananas and mini chocolate chips, then apply the top half, cover the whole thing with cream cheese frosting, drizzle chocolate ganache, and mini chocolate chips.  If I do say so myself, it looked really good------but yet to be determined on the taste-success.

I, admittedly, cheated a bit, and due to the risk of not everyone wanting that specific cake, I bought some specialized cupcakes (I know, next time I will make them :-))

Anyway, turns out the cake was DELICIOUS.  It is a new found recipe that I will be making again.  I am so glad the birthday kids enjoyed it as well as the other attendees!

Officially offered.

I was officially offered the job that I have known I have had for weeks, but couldn't coordinate with the HR person to do paperwork.  It feels good, yet it feels stressful.  It makes me question how all of my balls are going to be juggled.... how it is all going to mesh.

I know many do it.  Heck, I used to do it.  However, since I am only working occasionally, it feels not like I am just away for 8/12-16/24 hours a week... but that somehow I have to do all I have been doing previous and just FIND those additional hours.  We have 2 kids in a new school with the Bus No. of "Mom and Dad".   We have a 2 year old who still needs to be watched 24/7.... we still have 5 people's laundry, 5 mouths to feed, a carpet to be vacuumed, dishes to be scrubbed, chores to be delegated, a dog to be watered... etc etc etc. 

But, I need this.  I need this outlet.  I need this to feel like I am contributing, to feel like I am something other than a dish washer and snot wiper.  I need to meet more people, maybe find a few more friends..... establish my roots in the city in which we live.  I need to keep my skills up.

After all the worries and doubts.... I am excited.  I am anticipating good things.  The unit is brand new and beautiful, the co-workers I have met seem to be great, the manager is extremely sweet/flexible, and understanding.  My starting pay was more than I thought it was going to be, which is always------AWESOME.

After another day of HR paperwork and a day of hospital orientation, I will get to orient to the unit and I will be off and running very soon!  :-)

On some other notes: 
*Our NEW sleep number bed will be delivered on September 10th!  I am SO EXCITED at the prospect of ditching the back pain.  Now, if only this special bed also had a nitrous oxide deliverance system.  :-)
*We are on the school countdown of 4 days and a few hours!  Tuesday the school is hosting an open house for the younger kids, so we will get to meet the teachers, see their classrooms.  We also have a scheduled meeting with Lauren's new teacher (Miss B.) so we can develop a plan of action for her specialized learning needs. 
*Also, we just made our 2nd private school payment.  Luckily it didn't seem to shock me as much as last time.  It just came and went quickly.
*I am making headway with what kind of "man cave" my man wants.  He is so picky, although I get it... at least with the couch part-------with his tallness, I get why it has to fit him.  But, why can't he just LOVE doilies, potpourri, and country metal chickens? 
*I just finished reading "The Help" on my kindle.... now, if only I can make it to the movie!  It was a really good book, and I have heard wonderful things about the movie.

CRAP, I just remembered the lawn guy said to water the lawn or the stuff he put on it would fry the grass...... oops.  He said that yesterday.  Guess I am off to water the lawn.
 

Gettin' squirrly

I don't know what it is about this time of year... perhaps the ending of summer with the prospect of short/cold/rainy days cooped up in the house.... but whatever it is, this time of year I get "squirrly".  Meaning, I am uncomfy in current situations and want to change-------right now it is the house.

I have so many things I want to be changed/done.  So many ideas to embark on.  Currently the ones that are in the works are:
*Garage door opener (should be in by next week)
*Turning family room into husbands man cave (Doors coming in the next month or so, and he is on the lookout for a couch)--but then I have to think of paint/design/carpet
*Changing out the blinds with new, cleaner, sleeker blinds.  When we changed the ones in the girls room with their redecoration, I realized how much I loved them.  So, now we have a new set for Joshua's room and the living room.  Just waiting for some time to install them.  (My husband---not me.)


And then the things that are waiting in the wings, that are driving me nuts!
*New living room upstairs.  With new couches and such.  I feel our house is "boring"... lots of browns/tans/creams.  I want something to POP.  Something vibrant.  Something shocking, but also subdued, because I don't know how long I can handle shocking.
*A photo wall
*Eventually change the bedroom configurations.  With the current master bedroom changing into a "kid play room/guest room".  With a couch, toys, tv. Etc.  This will probably be a change in process as in: in order to do this the downstairs room has to be converted to our master with paint and the bathroom has to be "kickin".  (or prettily designed).  Julia has to be old enough to be left upstairs without adult constant supervision.  And we will need a new TV for our new room (hang on wall/flatscreen) and the closet done with organizational shelving.  Etc.
*I REALLY DESPISE our kitchen.  The cabinets are in fine shape, they just need to be refaced and then new appliances.  After that, the place will be my "castle".  I do not know what the other owners were thinking when they painted the cabinets cream and "distressed" them, and then put in white appliances.  REALLY?  But, since we never really settled ourselves in the house, we didn't want to go through all the haslte of changing.  I think that is where all of this may come from..... we are finally settling. 
*New carpet in all the bedrooms/family room. 
*Repaint exterior or the house.
*Re decorate the little man's room.  It is currently trains, which was super cute when he was itty bitty, but he is growing, and I would like to make it a little "older" for him.  (Not to mention, he has been peeling away the border lately..... I guess he doesn't want it either).


I am sure there are more things that are driving me crazy, but my mind is swirling with ideas right now, so I can't think of any more.

Also, if anyone has creative juices they want to let loose, and slave labor they want to volunteer, let me know.  I will be more than happy to accept it!

(especially kitchen cabinets!)