They don't have to live with me.......

So, this may be old news for some, and a surprise to others, but I suffer from depression.  I have, I think, for a lot of my life, however, it kind of came to light at around age 14, and I have had to take antidepressents off and on since.  Certain times of the year are worse than others---winter is the worst, and after I had kids and now battle severe insomnia (I think from working nights for so long and then having kids that used to wake me up all the time, I now just can't sleep), I really do better on medication. 

I know that some believe you can "snap out of it", that it is a choice or lifestyle.  For me, I think not.  It took me many years to realize that it was an illness......... if I had diabetes I would take insulin, if I had cancer I would have chemo-----you get my drift.  But the stigma of "depression" carries such a different thought and I felt it was a weakness to admit I needed medication.  Now, I just know I do.  I function better, I am happier, I am less moody, I am less anxious, I yell less :-).  People like it when I yell less.   Case and point:  a few months ago, we switched insurances.  My meds cost 280.00 a month, and I "thought" I could titrate the dose down (it is liquid) and just make it stretch so we didn't have to pay for them out of pocket.  During this time is when I somehow got the idea that it would be cool to sell the house, buy an RV and homeschool our children while touring the states.  Now, remember, this RV thing is my husbands dream.  He got all excited and giddy at the prospect.  He works from home, can travel and work, it would be a great oppurtunity etc.  Then I got back on my meds and realized I was CRAZY!  

Which leads me to today:  Last week I contacted the pharmacy for my refills of my antidepressant and my beloved Ambien.  I need a physician authorization for the Ambien every month---so I expected that, but then they said the antidepressant was also expired and they needed a new prescription, and they would fax the request.  This was on Wednesday.  I ran out on Friday, so I called them---the prescription wasn't ready.  I called Saturday---the prescription wasn't ready.  No mention of any problem or anything, just that it wasn't ready yet.  So I called today.... that is 4 days without my drugs.  Withdrawal has set in, I have been having headaches all day, nauseous, anxious feeling, dizzy, all too frequent bathroom visits, copious amounts of chocolate consumption, and YELLING at my poor children--------------------- I call the pharmacy again.  I talk to the same person I have talked to all the other times.  "Oh, that request wasn't faxed".  WHAT??!?!?!?  Have I NOT been calling for days?  Could you not tell me then?  My Dr doesn't work Mondays, SO, you want me to suck it up for another day?  They obviously don't have to live with me.....................  (BTW, another Dr authorized the refill and drugs have been consumed!)

And my funny husband comes up and says: So you wanna buy an RV?? *wink wink  :-)  I think he may someday water down my drugs so he can get his way.   I love that man!