Heather's Hectic Happenings: Joshua's Birth Story #1

This is going to be a long and emotional one. I will document as much as I can at this point, and if I don't get to the end, I will continue another day.

I will start at the beginning.... Chris and I knew that we wanted more kids. And, due to Lauren being nearly 2, we wanted to get crackin. I had had problems with conceiving Lauren, so I went to the Dr, and was started right away on Clomid in which I took my first dose in Mid October. I began ovulation tests the first week of November, and on our wedding day (November 5th, 2005), I took a test, but screwed up and pee'd too much and it didn't work. But oh well, we would take care of "that day" anyway. So, we went on to have a beautiful wedding.... went home that evening, decided to chill and play games and eat pizza (what every newly married couple does, right?). I had to use the restroom, and decided to take another test just to see.... and sure enough I was ovulating! I run downstairs and tell him and he is like "Uhhh, what do we do?"... and I told him... and he was like "Right now???" but I notified him we could at least finish our game ;-).
     Within a day or two (kind of forgot) we left for our honeymoon in Maui, and had a FANTASTIC TIME and returned a week later.

Friday November 18th.... I was due for my monthly visitor... it wasn't showing its usual signs--but I didn't think anything of it because my cycles were all wacky anyway. But, I took a pregnancy test. It was negative, so I threw it away and went back to life.... later that day I saw it laying in the garbage as a very faint positive test. I was like "Oh, isn't that what happens when they sit too long?" But I took another it was positive---and another-positive, and another-positive... Lets say a total of 6 tests. I was SO shocked. After it being so difficult with Lauren, this pregnancy was a 1 shot deal. My due date was July 28th, 2006 (the kid's Mimi's bday!). I went shopping, bought a bunch of baby stuff and wrapped a present for Chris. It had a few things in it (my memory fades) but there was a baby blanket, a baby bib, baby toys, a bottle, a card with a newborn baby on it, and the positive pregnancy test. My poor clueless husband didn't get it until the card. HAHA Funny funny man!

5 weeks 2 days (November 28th, 2005), I start spotting. Bright red spotting. I called my Dr, whom was the dr I had for Lauren. She does labs and says that things are ok... I talk her into an ultrasound, and although medically/professionally I understand that what is going to happen is going to happen---emotionally you just want EVERYTHING to be done. Everything showed fine via ultrasound... so she ordered serial labs and I was placed on strict bedrest.

5 weeks 5 days (December 1st) still bleeding and an increased amount. Labs show pregnancy hormone to be not doubling at an appropriate rate. Most likely I am miscarrying. Lauren's 2nd birthday the next day, we cancelled the birthday party.

6 weeks 3 days (December 6th) Another ultrasound and labs... labs seem to be stable, not awesome, but stable.... still bleeding, at times as much as a heavy period and severe cramping.... but baby is hanging in there.

6 weeks 6 days (December 9th) Labs doing ok, low end of normal, but still pregnant... still on bedrest.

7 weeks 5 days (December 17th). Labs seem to be hanging in there..... bleeding has slowed down, ultrasound shows growing fetus with strong heartbeat! WOO HOO!

12 weeks (January 16th, 2006). We go in for an anatomy scan. They did standard measurements, checked the heartrate etc.... then I noticed that they were remeasuring something over and over and over again... I knew something was wrong..... I questioned the tech. She, of course, said the radiologist needed to talk to Chris and I. He came in, he scanned, rescanned, rescanned, and asked when we were seeing our doctor (we had an appt within 2 hrs of ultrasound). I told him to tell me what he was seeing and he said the nuchal translucency was abnormal.... in which I said "So, we are thinking Downs Syndrome?" and he said.... no. That it was worse than that. That it was more indicative of Turners Syndrome (where there is only an X chromosome rather than an XX or XY.... only happens in girls and has various decrees of severity.... very few make it through pregnancy, and the ones that do often have some major issues). The Radiologist proceeded to talk something about a daughter or niece of his that has this and is fine... blah blah blah.... I don't honestly remember much of what he said. I was in shock, devastated, completely heartbroken. My baby wasn't ok. We went to our appointment, chatted with my Dr whom said we can do an amniocentesis to check chromosomes at 18ish weeks... I couldn't mentally wait that long. I needed to know now. So, she called around to see whom did CVS testing in the area (similar to an amnio but done earlier... generally before 15wks, but they prefer before 14).   She found a physician up in Seattle that does it and arranged an urgent appt to have it done. I started thinking of all the things it could be.... all of the issues we could have. Praying that our baby would be ok.

12 weeksCVS testing. They did the ultrasound and found the same thing the other radiologist did.... but with more detail. The diagnosis was "Septated Cystic Hygroma" which was measuring at 8+mm. Basically the septated and the measurement indicated a severe issue, and the probability of the baby surviving was very very small. 90+% of babies with septated hygromas continue to fill up with fluid and eventually go into fetal hydrops, or basically the fluid builds up until the organs can't function and they demise.   There was no known medical documentation of a baby with a hygroma of this size being ok. We were counseled at that time to terminate. We had genetic counseling.... I recall while waiting in the waiting room that there was some teenager whining about some normal pregnancy issue and I just wanted to go and yell at her and be like "At least your baby is ok... at least your baby is going to live.... I would puke everyday, have millions of stretchmarks, have cankles galore, have tons of needles poked and prodded, gain 400lbs.... just to give my baby a CHANCE of being ok..........Luckily I didn't say anything..... Here is the picture of what we saw:

The white egg-shape circle in middle is the head, the bubble around it was the cyst. It was bigger than his head was :-(

13 weeks (January 25th 2006). Chris and I traveled up to Seattle to have the CVS testing. The doctor re-did an the ultrasound... of course found the same findings.... we asked the Dr "We are not in denial about the probable end result of all of this, but can you give us some odds?" His response was that we had less than 2% chance of ANY live birth at the end of the pregnancy---let alone a mentally/physically intact baby. He highly encouraged termination, and let us know we had until 20 weeks to decide. He did the CVS testing, it was rather freaky actually.... they put in a long needle (like an amnio), but they put it into the placenta, then attach a plunger like thing and you hear this suction sound and feel this sucking feeling.... the needle went in and Chris was like "Ughhhh" like he was socked in the stomach---DUDE, I am the one that this is being stuck into... but anyway.... they got the stuff they needed and sent it off for chromosomal testing; we opted for FISH testing which basically just tests certain chromosomes (13, 18, 21, and maybe 1 or 2 more) and comes back within a week or so.... then the rest come back later. This testing would rule out the ones that were most prevalent in cases such as ours.... Trisomy 13 and 18 are incompatible with life... Trisomy 21 is Down's Syndrome.... and then since they are testing chromosomes, Turners syndrome would be ruled in or out.

We went home to try to come to grips with things. We were highly encouraged to terminate, however, Chris was completely against it.... I, of course, didn't want to terminate my baby........ but also, I have seen babies be born that had many issues and their short lives and those few hours/days/weeks/months spent in hospitals being poked, prodded, not cuddled, not held... it is horrible. Or if they lived long lives, but weren't ok, the quality of life is not that of which we desire our children to live. Also, going through my head, how fair was it to Lauren to have a sibling that wasn't ok..... "Sorry, I can't go to your soccer game because your brother/sister has therapy" or whatever. Of course, if this was what my child needed, I would do it---no questions, no hesitation... but in this case we had a choice. I would lay in bed and wail for God to let him die inside...that if he wasn't going to be ok to have him just pass away---inside of me--- surrounded by my warm womb, hearing my beating heart, feeling how much I loved him/her. PLEASE GOD, don't make us make this decision. I had a doppler at home, and I would listen for hours on end, thinking that that was the only thing I would know of my baby. That if I stopped listening, his/her heart would stop. I would talk to him/her saying how much I loved him/her, how much he/she is wanted... but that in order for him/her to not feel any pain I would burden that pain if he/she wanted to stop fighting.

14 wks 6 days (February 3rd, 2006). I am home alone with Lauren, still on strict bedrest. Chris is on his way home from work and is about 35 minutes away. We are suppose to go to my in-laws for dinner in Seattle...... I got off the phone with my Step-Mother in Law, and head to the bathroom. All of a sudden I feel this huge gush/pop feeling and I am standing in a huge puddle of blood. Bright red blood. I wipe up a bit, and go and lay down. I call my husband and tell him to hurry home... I call my MIL to let her know we weren't coming. I call my Dr to let them know what was happening in which they told me to come in. I took out my doppler, heard my baby's heartbeat and told him/her how much I loved him/her and tried to focus on the heartrate---so I could remember it always. While I was making these phone calls, I received a call saying they had the results of the chromosomal testing..... All of the chromosomes on the FISH test came back normal..... I remember saying "I don't think it matters, I just started bleeding and I am going to lose my baby today".... and then she asked if I wanted to know if it was a boy or girl---I did. She said it was a boy.
     Chris got home, we loaded up Lauren and started our drive to the hospital. At the time, we lived about 45 minutes (without traffic) from where I was going to deliver. We passed a few hospitals on the way. My Dr's cohort called and told me to stop at a specific hospital (ironically the one I worked at), because she was afraid of the amount of bleeding I was reporting and could I make it for 1-2 hrs on the road (Friday night... 6pm..... 2 hours was lucky). I am stubborn. If I was going to lose my baby I wanted to have the Dr I trusted. One that I knew would be straight with me, who would not sugar coat things, would respect my wishes, would cry with me. So, we continued to drive.
     By the time we got to the hospital, my mom/stepdad was there. My stepdad took Lauren home with him, my mom stayed with us. Upon getting there, my bleeding had slowed way down, but I was cramping a LOT. I went to the restroom and did my own cervical exam. (Us nurses are sick people! :-))... I wasn't dilated at all. They did a quick ultrasound.... and there was our little boy, bouncing around, way up high in the uterus, with his heart beating strong. The ER doctor (not an OB doctor) did a cervical exam and said I was "4 cms dilated and felt fetal parts".... I looked at my mom after he left and was like "WTF, I just checked myself and I was closed and they just did an ultrasound and he is super high in the uterus---no fetal parts to feel"... Anyway. I was admitted and kept overnight. I had another ultrasound in the morning and the baby was still ok...... the bleeding was minimal, and it was determined that I had a subchorionic hematoma or basically a space that separates between the uterus and placenta, and fills up with blood. Basically in my case, it was like a blister that "popped" and then after it "popped" it re-sealed itself and stopped bleeding. Of course, this increases the chances of the placenta tearing completely away from the uterus (abruption) and then the baby would die.... So I stayed on bed rest.

15-16 weeks: (Beg-mid February 2006) I laid around at home... looking obsessively on the internet for information on diagnosis, what this could be, what the outcome would be.... what could be done (nothing). I signed up for prayer circles with strangers I didn't know (but had gone through things similar), I cried until I couldn't cry anymore..... Sometimes I was very angry (ok a lot of the time)... why me, why us. I fell into a deep depression. I didn't know how Chris and I would survive within our marriage.... we had only been married 4 months....... how would we make it through this when we differed SO greatly on what we should do. We still had to decide whether or not to terminate.

16 weeks: (February 15th, 2006) Back to Seattle for another ultrasound. Same findings.... same hygroma measurement, but he was getting bigger (quite a bit bigger...... measuring at 18-19 wks), but the cyst hadn't grown. At this point they were like "If it isn't any of the chromosomal issues we ruled out, he hasn't gone into hydrops, he isn't anemic (we had done multiple tests to determine that the bleeding was from me not him... that there wasn't any blood incompatibility issues etc), he seems to be doing ok---it must be a heart defect. If he lives until 20 weeks, than we need to do an echo cardiogram of his heart.
   I went home and researched ALL of the fetal heart defects. Which ones are more likely to cause cysts... etc. I had a list of all of them, in order of which ones were the "best to have" vs the "worst"... which ones could be easily fixed vs not. I still obsessively listened to his heartrate on the doppler. I listened so much, Lauren would get it out for me, put on the gel, and find him for me.... (super cute!)

19.5 weeks (March 8th, 2006): We went in for the echo cardiogram of his heart. I had my list.... all balled up in my hand--sweaty and shaky.   We had to make the decision to terminate vs not--today. Chris had always been against it.... I finally had come to the conclusion that if he was going to fight, that I was too. He had, thus far, persevered through everything...... he made it through all the bleeding... he made it through the cyst. He was proving everyone wrong. I was willing to do anything to help him fight. They did the ultrasound.... the perinatologist came in and she was so blunt and brash and comes in and says "Everything is fine, he is fine." and walks out. I was like whatttt?????? So we had her come back in and I requested she be more specific. And she said... his heart was completely normal, the area where the cyst was was a little larger than it should be, but if we had not had prior ultrasounds, that they probably wouldn't have even flagged it (he had grown into it basically), and that considering that he was 2-3 weeks bigger than average, he was getting adequate blood flow/nutrients despite my bleeding.... so he was fine. OMG, are you SERIOUS????? He was ok????? I just melted in tears. I cried so hard, I couldn't get dressed to leave. I was shaking, Chris had to support me as a walked out.
      We walked to the car in silence. We went to California Pizza Kitchen (had never been) to grab some lunch and chat. While at the restaurant, I told Chris about a dream I had had.... that before we even knew there was a problem when I was like 8 weeks, I had had a dream that I had a son named Joshua...... I told him how much that at the time, I hated that name.... I could NEVER have a son named Joshua------but over time, it had grown on me, something was telling me that was his name, and I wanted him to be Joshua Michael. We had yet to even seriously talk about names. He loved it, and the name was decided...... but we didn't tell anyone!

24 weeks (April 10th, 2006) I started having contractions. Off to the hospital I went. Due to the issues I had had with Lauren, we had to be very careful.... along with that there was a slight increase in the normal "Spotting" that I had been doing..... I went there, was not dilated, did not have any infections, but was contracting every 2-4 minutes. I was given terbutaline to stop contractions(didn't work with Lauren either), and then was given nifedipine (a heart drug that helps stop contractions) and was kind of on the experimental side of things at that time... it worked wonderfully. And we were sent home.

28 weeks (mid May) Failed my glucose 1 hr tolerance test...... had my 3hr and passed---barely! But passed :-)

32 weeks (June 6th) I brought up with Chris a few weeks prior that I was interested in doing a 3D/4D ultrasound. I, honestly, thought it was a waste of money, but that I needed to see him. I needed to be assured he was physically ok... that he didn't have his ears coming out of his nose or something. I needed that assurance so that I could be prepared if something was wrong. Although they had assured us things seemed ok, they could not give us any reason for all of these issues. Here is our little man!

His hand up by his eye (and cord around his neck---sigh)

Sucking on his cord (why do they have to do that???) (The bulb on his head is just a photo thing.. not his head)

Notice the scowl---- he was even born with this look. Funny funny boy!

34 weeks (June 20th) I noticed that my amniotic fluid had increased significantly (ok, more that my stomach got big out of no where)... had an ultrasound and was found to have Polyhydramnios (abnormally high levels of fluid which can be caused by diabetes, kidney issues, digestion issues within the baby (not able to swallow and pee amniotic fluid appropriately)--- along with the fact that with an increase of fluid gives the baby more room to move around---and get tangled in his cord. We had frequent Dr visits and ultrasounds to check for issues....... meanwhile I was HUGE!

36 weeks (July 5th, 2006) I called my Dr for an appt and discussed the amniotic fluid issues and my feeling that he needed to be born....... We discussed that it may be better to deliver early. #1-- I was a repeat c-section so they didn't want me to go into labor, #2-- I had been noticing a significant increase in contraction activity (probably due to increase in fluid levels) #3--due to all of the issues and not knowing what we were going to find, we wanted it to be a very planned/controlled c-section. We wanted a pediatrician to be counseled on the pregnancy issues and be prepared to what she may face (I had hand picked her------- the one that took care of Lauren when she had RSV). We had a hand picked anesthesiologist...... we made sure the hospital that, if anything were wrong, he would be transferred to was available and knowledgeable about the situation and ready to dispatch their transport team if need be....... #4-- I was very nervous. We had gotten him this far, we had gotten through all of these issues, he had fought through the bleeding. I confided in her that I have this weird feeling that it needs to be now. I didn't know how to explain it, but that he needed to come out. Nothing was majorly wrong, nothing really changed, but it was just this matter-of-fact feeling to do it now. I told her I accepted the risk of him being born early---that I knew what could happen.... She consented and scheduled the c-section for the next morning at 9am.

JOSHUA'S BIRTH DAY! (July 6th, 2006) We got up (after not sleeping well), my sister Tracey came over to watch Lauren....we still hadn't told anyone his name yet.... and because she couldn't be there, I set up a scavenger hunt for her to find his name! Then, we left for the hospital. We were admitted, all the usual stuff done.... I walked back to the OR, and they attempted to put my spinal in. They missed. I freaked out.......... pure anxiety attack. Not because they missed my spinal, but more because I was barely holding it together. I felt like a glass that is completely filled with water, bulging at the rim... and one more drop of water is just too much! I didn't know if my baby was ok, I didn't know what was going to happen. Was I going to be able to cuddle with my baby or have to say goodbye while he breaths his last breath. Were they going to have to whisk him away to another hospital just to give him a chance to live? Was he even going to breath or cry? Was there going to be a huge cyst on his neck? Was he going to be weird looking? So, I lost it. They called my Dr in to help console me (she is soooo cool BTW). Finally, they got the spinal in.... the csection started. My blood pressure dropped drastically (pretty usual for me), they gave me a ton of drugs to help with that.... then I hear "Oh SHIT" from my Dr. (Not what you wanna hear)..... I was like, "Is he ok??" and she held this screeching baby over the curtain! This bloody/slimy/screaming/ BEAUTIFUL baby boy! I started sobbing. He seemed fine. He looked fine. He was acting fine. My mom was standing anxiously at the window of the OR, and I saw out of the corner of my eye the pediatrician give her a thumbs up and saw my mom start to cry.
Then, I knew he was ok when the Pediatrician made a joke about "He is definitely a boy, I don't know if they have equipment big enough for his circumcision here at the hospital"..... in which my lovely husband replied "Yes, it is a ####### (last name) curse". :-) I knew they wouldn't be making snide jokes if there was anything wrong.
So, I inquired to my Dr what the "Oh Shit" was about.... and basically she said that she found the location of all my bleeding, that the placenta had basically been having chronic abruptions (placenta tearing away) throughout the pregnancy, and where that had been located, it had actually weakened the uterine wall so much it was a uterine window (where it becomes so thin that you can see through it, and if it ruptures you and the baby will die...... not good). There was also some issues with the health of the placenta and that his cord was very close to the part that wasn't functioning adequately... in other words, if we had waited until 38 weeks, there is a high likelihood that something would have gone severely wrong, and he and I may not be here.... all my Dr said was "Today was a very very good day for a birthday".

So, on July 6th, 2006 at 0905 weighing a HUGE 7lbs 12 oz (4 weeks early!) Joshua Michael was born. We didn't know until after he was born (and we disclosed the name) that the name "Joshua" means saved by God.... Maybe that is why that name spoke to me. I am not a super religious person, but after all of this and then his name choice---I really have to start questioning my beliefs.

Ok---I need a break..... part 2 to be continued on a later date. Here are some pics of him as a newborn though!!