Baby-itis sucks!

My baby-itis is getting really bad.  I don't have any clue why:  I have a moody 7 year old, an "annoying-boy-noise-making" almost 5 year old, and a really REALLY challenging 2 year old.  But maybe that is why I have babyitis?  I know how to fix a baby.  I know that just me picking them up, rocking them, rubbing their foreheads or nuzzling their hair will calm them  (Julia had a bald spot from me doing this... GOD I miss that :-'''( .  When they are babies I am their world and they are mine. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited and happy to watch my kids grow and become their own little people, but it is hard to realize that others can take care of them..... make them laugh.... calm their tears... mold their hearts. 

I don't really know how to articulate my feelings...... I am just sad.  I will never again have that stomach flop and pure anxiety of realizing I am going to be a mom again..... I will never feel the little person my body is growing/protecting/nurturing move and kick and hiccup.  I will never again meet my baby for the first time and lay in the hospital in pain--but the happiest and proudest Mom ever,  soaking in every second of cuddling with my new baby.    

Letting go is harder than I anticipated---and it is only going to get worse.

"Maybe" if I let go of these feelings I can quit wallowing in my past sorrows and look forward to the future!  The future of having kids old enough to travel with, share the world with, have a conversation with....... 


Sorry for the jumbled post..... kinda having a hard time right now.

The first time I saw Julia---picking her up from the NICU on my way to my Post Partum Room!  (She didn't cooperate with the whole breathing after delivery obligation.)