I am very very very sorry I have slacked so much on my blogging. It has been a very busy, trying, and stressful 2 weeks. The kids have started their new school, I started a new job, and Julia is in daycare (when I am working).... I will definitely elaborate:
The kids are doing so well in their new school! They seem to love it, and we are loving the morals, kindness, and overall responsibilities of behavior they seem to be showing. The only drawback---they have really long days for little people. Up at 630-7am, to school by 8. Pick up at 3pm, home by 330, the homework/chores/dinner... and finally free time at 6-8. We had had them enrolled in music lessons (Lauren-piano, Joshua-guitar) and they were super excited... but with as tired as they are, we didn't know how well they would do with yet another thing jammed on their schedule, and then nightly practicing. So, we elected to maybe wait a bit to see how things go. Also, Lauren did receive an award for diligence in doing hard work. Each week the school elects a citizen of the week for each class (at least in grade-school.. not sure of the rest). Lauren got it this week, so Chris and I went in for chapel day, saw her receive the award (she was SO embarrassed, but you could see also very proud... especially when Joshua yelled out "BRAVO LAUREN"......... when every other person in the chapel was silent :-)) It was also cool for Chris and I to see how they "run" things. It is amazing you can have approx 80-100 kids under the age of 10 walk single file, silently into the chapel.... sit down (without squirming, jumping, hitting, poking, running etc) and listen intently to what is being said. Discipline and consistent structure definitely works---even in the younger ones. Super cool to see. (Ok, I will admit, slightly cult like, but since we believe in the teachings, and it isn't super super strict, we are ok with it. :-)) So, funny thing: Within the same week Lauren got an award for hard work and such---Joshua came home with a note of misbehavior. I had to laugh, is this going to be what it is like for the rest of the schooling? What spice will Julia bring? (BTW: his misbehavior was hitting the metal towel dispenser in the bathroom. What 5 year old wouldn't hit a loud metal thing while bored in the bathroom?? Come on Joshua, if you are gonna get in trouble, do us proud. "Kick me sign" on the teachers butt or something brag worthy. We can't brag about our kid banging a metal dispenser like a drum. BORING!!!!!)
We did finally put Julia in daycare. I know I have described how hard this was for me, and it has admittedly gotten a bit better. Also, knowing that the frequency we have exhibited lately is not going to be the norm has helped me get through it as well. She seems to do ok there, of course she cries when I leave, but is done within seconds, and when she is picked up she seems happy and content. Also, she is learning many many more mischievous activities. She comes home and seriously just goes about showing off what she has learned. I am getting a glimpse of the "future of life with Julia". Currently her favorite things are soap and goopy things (deodorant, toothpaste etc). She loves going and getting soap, putting on the floor and sliding about. Also, washing her hands is a current obsession. Oh, and lets not forget squishing dog poop with her fingers. Ugh...... Luckily, I have a friend who takes her sometimes to break up the daycare exposure. Julia adores her and begs to go to "Tracy's house" all the time! In the mornings I hear "No friends..... Yes Tracy house"
And finally, me starting my new job. I will try to shorten my complaining a bit because we all know that starting a new job comes with new stresses and is a difficult transition. However, I have had a harder time than usual with this one. I consider myself a very fast learner, (show me once, I got it), and very eager to do things the right way. However, I was leaving work not feeling like I was getting it at all. There are some very strong personalities there----as there is in any L&D unit (and probably most places), and women that feel that their way is the only way. But must I say, that there are many many many ways to bathe a baby and as long as they are clean, safe, and tolerate it well, what is the point in dissing someone elses way? (that is just an example I am ok with sharing... there are many more). But, I feel my biggest issue is that I get the impression that perhaps my orienter doesn't usually orient? There is a skill to orienting. Whether you are orienting someone with prior skills or ones that are brand new. If they have prior experience (as in my case) they know the basics...... they just need to learn "your way". So, in my opinion you would want to take over the mundane stuff (putting in catheters, maybe taking a blood pressure, getting a baby to nurse) while I learn the policies and procedures, how to chart on their computer programs, how to work their equipment, and how their OR runs, etc. But my orienter, albeit super nice and sweet, doesn't exactly do this. It is kind of an on or off switch. She is either correcting and bossing me around with the little stuff, or standing there during the stuff I would need her guidance, suggestions, or prompts and criticising me later. (Now is when the scrub would prefer to do instrument count, or we require respiratory therapy to be here at all deliveries, so we call them 10 minutes prior... etc). I leave from work doubting my experience, if I should be doing this area of expertise. I have never had to doubt that before. I have never questioned if I was a good nurse. Then after talking to my super bright husband and my commiserating mom, I realized it isn't me. It is the mixing of my and my orienters personality. It isn't working. And when I think that I have only oriented 4 days and 2 of those were super super not busy, and 2 were with many challenges, I have picked up on a lot. I AM getting it. I just have to forge through next week...... but I will close with this: The last night I worked I was very broken down. I missed my family, I was close to tears, I doubted I was capable, and wondered why I was doing this to myself just for a mental "outlet". I could get that by many many other activities............ Then I walked into my patients room. She had had a very difficult pregnancy/delivery. Wasn't suppose to even have a baby. I walk in to see her snuggling her naked baby to her naked chest, her baby being warmed by her mommy, feeling her mommy's love/warmth and hearing the calming beat of her heart, while the mommy nuzzled her baby's head and smelled her sweet smell. She looks up at me with tears of gratitude in her eyes and with such heartfelt sincerity she says "Thank you so much for helping and guiding me through the hardest, scariest, and best days of my life. You held my hand while I was petrified in the OR, you fixed my baby when her heartrate dropped, you answered all my families questions and concerns with honesty, patience, and respect. You had tears in your eyes when you handed my little girl to her daddy for the first time. Thank you so much, we will never forget all you have done for us.".
That, my dear readers, is why I am going through current HELL right now, and will persevere through next week.
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